Return to Humor Page Browse more quotes by famous person's name. A: Short eyes. A: The four musketeers. juice? McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! ANSWER: Gatorade. up your turban. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? Prime Video. Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? bathroom? A: Eight is enough. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. A: SAG Strike. Hand made. A: Pat and Debby Boone. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. A: "Small craft warning!" A: You asked for it. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Q: What is a mother of 27 children? And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. A: Green thumb. Share. The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Kitchy-Kitchy? A: Snap, crackle, pop. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. A: Lorne Green. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. A: Fit to be tied. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! 2004 upper deck baseball cards. The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? . Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Box 4, Folder 45. Oh, I forgot! then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" (Jews never kneel in prayer.). car? A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php A: Mount Baldy. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. A: 50 miles per hour. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. A: Disjoint. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. #10. The character was introduced in 1964. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? hair". She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. What is missing here is his delivery. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. . Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. Screenkey. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. compartment in your sister. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? A: Damnation Alley. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? skirt. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Forum Novelties. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). The Answer: No more years! (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. sister. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. stops. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. pants. girlfriend. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. . 1981 | TV-14 | CC. Box 4, Folder 46. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. Ed McMahon: Shogun. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? "Oh, . The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? A: Bi-focal. Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Q: Name three people who like to bomb. . Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. proctologist. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. Key'n'Stroke. . Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. A: All the President's men. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. A: Putting on the dog. A: The Laughing Policeman. We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). A: Evon Guligan. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? . his neck? kaleido? the audience will cheer. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. Line: 315 Explanation of WPA. seen them before. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's Related Topics. by ThomasFay. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. The Answer: They found no brain activity. A: Kaiser wrap. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. Hand made. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. A: Eleven. Carnac the Magnificent. BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret [1] Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. eyes? One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? A: Flyswatter. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. Thanksgiving? Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. A: Timbuktoo. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? The character was introduced in 1964. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? A: Sex. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Click image to enlarge. A: The Sugarland Express. Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. . A: Mop and Glow. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. The Johnny Carson Show. Or are you just happy to see me? Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. (Crowd cheers) #10. In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these A: Head and shoulders. . May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. cleanup team? Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. us? "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Line: 479 I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. A: Mr. Coffee. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? One? Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. . A: Pot luck. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. A: At both ends. Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? Q: What do you call a military coup led by General A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. (the curse). Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. A: Crabgrass. The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. A: Deep freeze. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Contents Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. A: Supervisor. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. A: Kris Kristofferson The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. As a child of four can The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!.

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