Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. What do hungry Marines eat? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Auld Lang Slice 36. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? The tenant shook her head. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. I'm impressed! Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. ! Only one. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. You divertyour course! ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Want more amazing military jokes? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Officer: Soldier. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Its a NO FLY zone! Me: No, I dont. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Aviation JOKES. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. How tough? What do hungry Marines eat? aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Hey, Im from Chicago too!. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Learn from the mistakes of others. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Its not weak, he replied. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Ocean Pearl, I answered. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Theres a post recall and he went to work. You had tents?" The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. 7. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Return to Humor Index. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Long Haul Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. I was very nervous, she said. More information More like this Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. 34. Me: Hello? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Why? I asked. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Dad got quiet. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. August 15, 2021. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. They throw out a pistol. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp He needed COVER! Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! We were a tough group. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Attention! "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. 65. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Takeoffs are optional. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. ! A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. 6. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Rodrigues there? Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Louis, I grumbled. . My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. MARCH! Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". But I am public affairs, I said. 8. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! How much noise can we make up here? "They're all mine. I will take the both of you for a ride. Gary Toohard. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Why Do We Celebrate It? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? 2. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. The Lasting Supper All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Unless you can be Batman. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 1. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Of course, he responded. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. 2. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). March forth! Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. 37. Im 81 years old, he answered. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. 64. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. He nodded. 40. 38. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Ive been sandblasted.. The other replied, Not me! I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Then one day I couldnt find it. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. How old are you? a tenant asked. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. We recommend our users to update the browser. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Even his son turned up. But something struck me as odd. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Air Traffic Control 6. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Flight Announcements 4. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love.

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